Here comes 45 years of dedicated study on this subject.

A friend posted a photo of two slices of bread. One had a meager serving of Peanut Butter begrudgingly dabbed upon it’s barren wasteland o’bread. The other was a Kingdom of Peanut Butter Aplenty.

The (silly) question was, “Which is better?” I answered with this impassioned “Teaching Moment”.

Both were savable. The one on the left was a tad sparse, but if you’re going to just fold it over as a 1-slice, half-sandwich, you’re done. Wow, You’re ready to eat your “Hint-of-PB” slice of bread. Bravo, Spartan-Lord Conserver Supreme! You’ve half-assed what you really wanted. You could’ve waved your dry bread over the open peanut butter jar and had the same experience.

The Mega PB slice of bread on the right needed a second slice of bread with one of the following to balance out the heavy PB density: Jelly, honey, and either butter, margarine, your favorite butter substitute. If you add more PB to the second slice as well, you may be trying to choke yourself or just weld your gums together.

For the bolder sandwich warrior, attempt a triple-decker: Use the excess PB on a second slice to create your “bookends” & add a center slice with one of your Jelly/Honey or butter favs.

Still not sticky or gooey enough for you? Experiment with toasted bread, add peanut butter and …WAIT FOR IT… CHEESE. Microwave it BRIEFLY!! This bastard child of a Grilled Cheese & a Peanut Butter sandwich not only sticks to the roof of your mouth, it can form into a burning napalm of goo. It could be a cry for help, or just a sign of extreme boredom with the basic PB & J.

Lastly, for the sake of balance, I usually try to match the amount of peanut butter on one slice with a nearly equal amount of butter on the other. It allows you to actually swallow the sticky-slippery combo, and adds some bonus on the taste.

Seriously, there’s no point in globbing too much peanut butter all at once. If you’ve got enough for 2 or 3 sandwiches, make 2 or 3 sandwiches. Your only excuse is if you’re down to your last 2 slices and have no other food in the house. — EPDW, PhD., Doctor of Peanut Butter Sandwich-ology & Lore.

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