In a scathing review of the Almighty’s business accounts, Internal Revenue Agents lambasted the mysterious ways of God’s book-keeping, including masses of internally held confidential files, and a nebulous triumvirate wielding the reins of absolute power.

A wealth of documents seem to point toward heavily interwoven dealings with the Catholic Church, including  the Pope himself.  A senior official at the Vatican affirmed that “there is an on-going investigation, but that God’s internal policies are not known to the Church, and that, in legal matters, the Vatican does not speak on his behalf.”

Auditors are struggling to grasp the magnitude of the apparent misconduct. “I’ve never seen anything like this,” said Auditor-in-chief  Ronnie Collosta. “There’s no transparency, no rhyme, no reason. It’s beyond me. I’ll be damned if I know what’s going on inside his head.”

One item of particular interest is the alleged death of a senior official “JC” who still appears to conduct widespread activity under a shroud of inter-related networks within the church. While unavailable for comment, he was recently seen on a potato chip in Ohio, and on the wall of a stock-room in Utah.

The agency is said to have prepared a vast array of indictments, thanks in large part to insider cooperation and a plea agreement.  Thought to be a cornerstone in the Government’s case is sequestered whistle blower  “the Holy Spirit” aka “Spanish Tony” aka “The Big Whoosh.”

In the wake of the negative media frenzy, many of the faithful are moving their spiritual & business accounts to other long-time competitors. A Catholic mass exodus has produced market share increases for Methodists, Satan, Evangelicals, Lutherans and the temple Eck, in that order.

Spiritual & legal experts speculate that prolonged entanglement in these matters could develop into a worst case situation, wherein God may be forced to use either a “Rapture” or “Insanity” defense.

Satan, a long time competitor and God confidant,  says he expects his friend will beat the wrap, and return to his relatively quiet day-to-day activities behind the scenes. “I’d hire him in a minute. With his skills & insight–even the name recognition value–I’d swear on the Bible, he’s one of the best. There’s not too many like him.”

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